Interpretations
by dollsnatch
Summary: Ronon, John and Evan get...confused. J/T, R/K, Lorne/Cadman! Im putting the main characters as Ronon and Jen 'cause I love them so, and theres only FOUR pages of R/K centred fics!
1. Chapter 1

**AN: **OM frickin G my laptop (and link to the outside world) is back after 3 weeks!Cold turkey really is as bad as they say!

**A/N 2: **Random little mad one-shot that came into my head this morning-urgh 6am! My multi chap fic refuses to work for me so here we are, the results of my frustration!

**A/N 3: **Got nothing against the genius of Mr. Cash! In fact I vaguely love him. I just doubt Teyla would share my view!

**Pairings:**R/K, J/T, Lorne/Cadman,yay!

**Spoilers: **Nuffink. Tis all my head. Oh dear.

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing. **Sigh**

**Warnings: **A few naughty words. Nothingto bad. Some allusions if you will. Rated T for safety.

"Man, I knew you had some whacked theories but...college football as good as major league?! No freakin way! Evan swiped a hand in front of him. "Wipes the board. ...Sir."

John shook his head "Ah now, Major, really, its a major character flaw on your part, you lack the finesse required to see the pure _gold_ that is the college league." He strode down the residential corridor.

Evan grinned back at him,matching his pace,"Well, sir,no where in my training did it say that difference of opinion with a commanding officer, or being correct in said opinion, led to court martial. We're just gonna have to agree to disagree. Or in my case agree to be right."

"Your planet is majorly wierd." Ronon commented. "A bunch of men chase a ball around a field and you call that sport? Thats nearly as bad as that stick thing you like Sheppard."

"Now that I have to agree with" Evan told John "Id rather stick forks in my eyes than play golf."

"Classless. You two are cl- mmmph." John was cut short by a very hard shove towards an alcove. Followed by a very solid Evan colliding with his back.

"What the-"

"-Sssshhh!" Ronon looked swung his head back around to look at whatever had just called what was quite possibly a psychotic break.

"Ssssshh? Since when do you sush?" John rubbed his jaw gingerly. "This better not bruise 'cause-"

"Shut your damn mouth Sheppard! That better?"

"Uhhh Ronon?" Evan asked cautiously. Just in case the big man really had lost it this time. "Any reason you just um...kinda went crazy?"

Ronon looked around the edge of the alcove. "Jen, Teyla and Laura are out there." he told them "come on,we get to see what they talk about when we're not around!"

"This is wrong!" Evan hissed at John, "we shouldnt be spying on them."

John snorted as quietly as he could. "Youre just saying that 'cause Cadman'll kick your ass if she catches you."

"Yeah she will" Evan replied. "But Teyla will _hand_your ass to you if we get discovered. And I aint going down alone."

The grin slid off Johns face as quickly as it had appeared.

_Shit._

He didnt need be reminded off his wifes...prowess. How many times had his back met the training mat now?

Even his mind couldnt calculate that.

"Maybe we should just go." He whispered ignoring Evans smug look, "you know...this is their uh... girl time and its not really right of us to be-"

"Shut up and look" Ronans deep rumble interrupted him.

John and Evan exchanged glances and shrugged. "Eh,why not" Evan said hopefully, "whats the worst that could happen?"

Famous last words. They peered around the alcoves wall.

And their jaws simultaneously dropped.

Teyla, Jennifer and Laura were standing together in the corridor, staring quizically into the open door of Teylas quarters. In curlers. And face masks. And robes. With seemingly nothing underneath.

They were doing beauty treatments together..._naked?_

Ohhh boy.

"God Teyla" Laura was saying " I really never thought you of _all _people would have a problem in that department."

"Nor did I" Teyla replied "this has never posed an issue before, yet now I find myself...lost."

John felt concern rise in his chest. There was something wrong with his wife? And why wouldnt she tell him?

"Have you tried talking to John about it?" Jennifer asked.

"He thoroughly uninterested in these matters" Teyla told her. "He says himself...anywhere works for him."

Ignoring Ronon and Evans sniggers and elbows, John frantically searched his mind for what could be bothering Teyla.

He hadnt been working too hard this week Or gotten close to his personal best of 23 near death experiences in a week. Nothing that would bother her unduly.

Wait...it couldnt be...nah.

No way.

He was always interested in those matters.

_Always._

Could it?

"Ugh,I know what you mean" Jennifer was now saying "Ronons exactly the same.

If he was any less interested when it comes to this stuff,hed actually be asleep. Sometimes he actually is asleep. Hmmm...have you tried it on the wall?"

Now it was Ronons turn to be shocked. She...liked...he was...what? He never fell asleep! And he certainly never remembered any complaints from her. On the the wall? There was that one time in her office but...

"You mean pinned against it? Yeah,that could work. Would be really good actually" Laura mused. "Or...maybe on the floor, middle of the room. So that everyone who came in-

"-Would see." Teyla finished. "I did consider that."

Evan slumped slightly against the pillar in the alcove. He was dating a freakin exhibitionist?!

John meanwhile, seemed to have slipped into a traumatised semi-comatosed state. This was waaaay to much for him to hear. And the carpet burns...

"You could always go the bed route, though thats kinda been overdone, so unoriginal. And majorly boring." Jennifer turned her head to the side, as the other two women nodded emphatically.

The men exchanged horrified glances. What _was_ this. A "how to shatter a mans ego in one fell swoop" seminar?

And women didnt like the bed?! What?!

"What does Evan think when you ask him?" Teyla asked Laura.

Laura laughed. "The one time I asked him,he said, and I quote, "God I dont know, wherever Laura. Youre the one that wanted it, wherever you think." All with his eyes glued to _San _Andreas. He has dependancy issues with that thing. Says it helps him with his flight training,but I swear hes better at that than he is in-"

"-Laura!" Jen interrupted giggling slightly. "Thats terrible. Evans very good, smooth actually. Okay, hes not as good as John,but then, who is?"

John and Evan stood frozen in shock. What the...? Ronons murderous accusatory stare wasnt really helping.

"Exactly." Teyla concurred." John has a natural skill" she said proudly "But Evan has managed to learn very well though. I am quite happy to go with him when John is unavailable ."

Evan was now on the receiving end of two death glares. From his CO and Ronon. Oh man. His body would never be found.

He was saved a possible disembowling by Laura.

"John really is amazing though. I swear he did things I had never even imagined,I was breathless after like two minutes!"

"Mmmm" Jen agreed. "I gotta admit I was impressed. Not all talk and no action like some of the fly boys around here. More like all action."

It was Johns turn to be utterly bemused,

"In all things." Teyla agreed. "But now, back to the pressing matter."

"I really think against the wall" Jen told her "here let me show you."

She dissapeared inside the room.

_Show her? _What the hell?

That was the proverbial straw that broke the camels back. The three men burst from their hiding place, shouting together.

"I do not fall asleep!-"

"Why are you comparing us how do you even _know?_!-"

"You do not get to talk about us like...like pieces of meat, we're not allowed do that to..."

John voice faded away, his brain finally catching up with his eyes.

Jennifer was standing in he and Teyla quarters, holding the new rug Teyla had got on P4X353, looking very surprised.

Ohhhhh. Clunk. The pieces fell into place. Sorta.

"So wait,youve been talking about a rug?!" Evan questionned disbelievingly.

"Yeeees." Laura replied, eyes narrowed. "Why?"

"No reason" Evan said hurriedly.

"Wait" Ronon said "so what was that, comparing the two of them?"

"You mean as jumper pilots?" Jennifer asked. "Ronon. Where you three _spying_ on us?"

She said it sweetly enough but Ronon heard the steel in her tone. Oh he was gonna pay for this later.

"No." They answered together. Ronon cleared his throat. "We were just coming to uh...pick up some bantos rods for...sparring. In the gym...cause we...do that."

"Besides the ones in your hands?" Teyla enquired.

_Crap._

"Oh would ya look at that?" John fumbled "we all forgot we already had them. What are the odds?"

"Pretty small." Lauras eyes were narrowed to slits.

"Right well,we'll just be going." Evan seemed very interested in his right boot.

They got about five steps when, "Wait."

Three heads hung. Teyla came up behind John. "Do not think this is over. Go have your sparring match now and savour it. And do not think that severe injury will spare you. Go."

Teyla waited until they had got far enough, before turning around to grin at the others, as they entered her quarters.

"Well Laura, you were right." Jennifer said. "Not only did they take the bait, their minds went straight to the freakin gutters! How did you know?"

"When youre a female marine in with a bunch of testosterone fuelled jarheads you get to know a bit about the male psyche." Laura grinned "And how to mess with it."

Teyla let out an uncharacteristic giggle. "We should start to think of what we will get out of them."

"Good idea" Jen replied "Im putting When Harry Met Sally on the top of the list. You know for next movie night."

"Excellent.It should buy me a month of shotgun too." Laura said happily.

"That was fun." Teyla declared. "It should also lend considerable leverage with John. I think Mr.Cash may have to vacate our quarters for some time."

"Yeah it was." Jen agreed. "Better even than a mani-pedi...We're still gonna do that right?"

"Absoloutley." Laura sighed contentedly. " Men are fun."


	2. A Question?

**Hello peoples! I know Im not strictly speaking supposed to do this but hey, rules are made to be broken right?**

**Also sorry to make you think theres a new chap.! **

**I have been giving some thought (when I actually have thoughts) to expanding this into a multi-series of one-shots featuring our favourites couples and of course Rodney-cause he just couldnt be left out.**

**Some would be humour, some the ramblings of my vaguely demented mind, some maybe a tad angsty.**

**What is the general thought?**

**Good, like shiny things and Canada (I am OBSESSED with Canada-it just seems like an awesome place! I will not rest until I have visited it. Any Canadians-yay! Youre Canadian!!)?**

**Or, heaven forbid, bad like you know...war. And cream of chicken soup.**

**May I have a smidgeon of your time to hear your valued thoughts??**

**Let me know through a PM or review, whatever does it for you.**

**I would be uber grateful.**

**Muchas gracias and ciao, amigos!**

**Doll, :D**


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